I am so happy to say that a surprising number of my clients recently in both Los Angeles and New York have placed themselves ‘on hold’ - to exclusively date a particular person they have felt a spark with during casual dating.  This is a GREAT sign that all of our hard work is paying off – I am SO thrilled! 

For the rest of the new clients as well as all incoming ladies who have recently joined the agency and are still newly meeting; I thought now would be an ideal time to post a refresher of what I think are the appropriate guidelines I recommend during the initial ‘get to know you’ stages of dating. 

Some of you have been privately asking me many of the questions covered below as you are meeting your new matches, so I have included them here for you as well.  I hope this is helpful to all who feel they may be able to use it in their current situations.

•  It’s OK (and actually healthy) to be meeting different people in the very early stages of dating.  You do not need to disclose to someone you have just met that you are casually dating other people unless he/she specifically asks you (FYI – dating faux paux to ask a new person you just met this question!  It’s awkward and very forward in my opinion, not appropriate nor relevant that early on) You should never be dishonest, however, don’t feel like you are doing something wrong by dating multiple new people to see who is out there. 
• Never reveal information that is too personal on a first date if you don’t have to.  Let things unfold naturally; your date doesn’t need to know everything about you, the therapist you have been seeing, or your sibling’s recent stint in rehab all on the first date. It’s great to be an open, available person but in dating it’s overkill to get ahead of yourself and lay everything on someone all at once! Relax.  Get to know your date slowly and enjoy the process.
• Keep dates brief initially, but at the same time keep your date interested. Less is always more. (For example, when you meet someone new, don’t spend every evening together for the next 2 weeks after that – no matter how much you like each other!)
• Never assume anything about your date until you get to know him/her better. You cannot always tell what that other person is thinking or simply make your own rules up as you go; by jumping to conclusions you may have totally misread or placed your own expectations on someone unfairly.  NEVER ASSUME!
• Your date will be interested in a person who has a life outside of them and can CHOOSE to date someone rather than out of NEED.  If you like someone early on, that’s great yet, until you get to know them more or become exclusive, take your time – there is no rush to hand your heart and total loyalty over to a stranger you have gone out to dinner with three times.  Nor is someone going to be attracted to a person who is clingy or needy early on.
• Always be yourself.  If that person doesn’t accept or like who you are, then they are not for you (which is totally OK!) Don’t take it personally or feel badly about yourself. That’s life and not everyone is meant for each other, so go find who is.. that person is out there. Next!

Posted on April 12, 2010 at 10:03 am
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